When I Deny Jesus

Finding Grace and Renewed Trust When Doubt Pulls Us Away

By: Lysa TerKeurst

I don’t doubt God is real and that God is good. But I often pray, “God, give me relief from my unbelief.”

I pray this when what He allows into my life does not feel or seem good to me. When we assume we know what a good God would do, and He doesn’t do it—that’s when things can get a bit complicated. It’s the place where we can be tempted to distance ourselves from God with a heart of distrust.

I can’t help but think about Peter—a man who boldly declared to Jesus, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you” (Mark 14:31), but then found himself doing the exact opposite.

Let’s take a closer look at Peter’s story in Mark 14.

While we see Jesus remaining faithful in the midst of a beloved friend’s betrayal (vs. 43–45) and the high priest’s interrogation (vs. 53–65), we find Peter with faltering faith as he stood waiting in a courtyard (vs. 66–72).

Afraid. Cold. Forgetful. Peter soon denied the One who loved him most.

Once. Twice. Three times. A rooster’s shrill cry ushered in the shocking realization that the very thing Peter swore he’d never do, he did.

And as much as we might want to shake our head at Peter, I for one know I can’t. Because I get it. I know what it’s like to have intentions that are good but the follow-through falls to pieces. It’s easy to say the words—we’re all in for Jesus, but then we get rejected or hurt by someone and it becomes difficult to live out those words.

Fear, pain, and insecurities can really do a number on our hearts.