The Key to Restoring Our Joy

Opening Your Heart to Joy by Letting Go of What Still Hurts

By Lynne Farrell

I never expected to see him at our 20th college reunion, but the moment I stepped out of the car, I recognized his laugh echoing across the lawn. It had been years since Sam* ended our relationship—a sudden, painful exit without a word of explanation. At twenty years old, I was convinced my heart would never recover. But years later, standing across from Sam was a very different woman. Blessed with a Godly husband, two precious children, and a deep faith in Jesus, my life was full, and the biggest heartache of my youth was a distant, healed memory. Or so I thought.

Seeing Sam joyfully engaging with a child on each hand and a woman by his side triggered an emotion I didn’t immediately recognize. When I came to Christ in my thirties, I had intentionally gone through an exercise to forgive Sam for what he had put me through. I didn’t consider that the feeling surfacing that day might be unforgiveness. But on the drive home from the gathering, alone with God and all of my raw emotions, I realized that it actually infuriated me to see Sam happy. I didn’t like the smile on his face, or those beautiful children embracing their father with love. I wanted him to hurt and to suffer as I did. You see, although I thought I had forgiven Sam, the Holy Spirit made it clear that there was a residue of bitterness in my soul that still needed to be dealt with.

For many Christians, the stickiest part of faith isn’t a complex doctrine—it’s the command to forgive someone who has hurt us, and it seems to be the place where a lot of us stay stuck. Forgiving those who have wronged us and letting go of the grudge seems contrary to every fiber in our fleshly being (to which the world and the devil will gladly encourage). I used to think the reason our Lord instructs us to forgive so many times in the biblical text is because we are most like Him when we do. After all, Jesus’s example of the ultimate sacrifice given for love includes the relinquishing of His will, forgiving those who had wounded Him, and erasing the enormous debt we owe because of it.