Surrendering What You Can’t Change

When God’s Plan Is Different Than What You Expected

By Dianne McKim

I was grumbling again.

I sat in my car, hands gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly, running through the mental list of everything my husband wasn’t doing. We were about two years into our second marriage—both of us bringing baggage from our pasts, both of us trying to figure out how to build something new without letting old wounds dictate our future.

But in that moment, I wasn’t thinking about grace or patience or the complexities of blending two broken histories into one hopeful future. I was thinking about my expectations—and how he wasn’t meeting them.

Cage of Expectations

I had this picture in my mind of what a godly husband should look like. He should want to pray together every day. Read Scripture with me before bed. Be excited—genuinely excited—about midweek services. Stand strong as the spiritual leader I expected him to be. Show up engaged and engrossed during Sunday worship, not just going through the motions.

But he wasn’t checking those boxes, and I was keeping score.

The list kept growing in my head: Why doesn’t he initiate prayer time? Why do I always have to suggest reading the Bible together? Why isn’t he more passionate about his faith—at least in the ways I thought he should be?