Weekly Magazine | Influencing Your World
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Dear Friends,
With tensions rising and differences of opinion becoming more prominent, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by conflict—whether it’s within your community, your family, or on a global scale. As followers of Christ, we are called to choose grace, seek peace, and handle differences with love. This week, we explore practical ways to be peacemakers in our world, finding unity and responding to conflict with a Christ-centered approach.
Encouraging you in God’s truth,
Choosing Grace and Peace Instead of Conflict
Uncover destructive patterns in relationships and ways to break the cycle.
Read More
Hold Loosely to Your Opinions
Explore practical ways to put relationships above winning arguments.
Read More
Whose Side is God On?
A look at how to navigate political division and unite through prayer.
Read More
Scripture to Foster Grace, Peace, and Unity
Powerful biblical advice for your relationships.
Read More
Music for Your Soul
Unity Hymn; Mike Donehey
Listen
Choosing Grace and Peace Instead of Conflict
By: PeggySue Wells
Saturday morning, my teen groused around the house. I tried to cheer her with tea, a couple jokes, and her favorite pancakes. My efforts fell short of improving her attitude. Like many single moms, I quickly reasoned that the problem must be me. Doubtless, my daughter must think that I stink as a mom and she would rather spend Saturday with anyone else. Feeling rejected, I was tempted to dish back negativity by giving her the silent treatment. Simmering internally, eventually I might even choose to vent my hurt with a barbed jab. How easy to say “Is your homework done?” You had better keep those grades above C level.”
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all,” Paul instructed in Romans 12:18 (ESV).
If we’re doing our best to live peaceably, why does conflict escalate between those we love, neighbors, community members, political parties, and world governments?
THE ROOT OF CONFLICT
As families, coworkers, and fellow inhabitants of planet Earth, we’re proficient at the 5 R’s. These 5 R’s spell destruction to relationships. The process goes like this:
1. Rejection. Something happens or is said, done, not said, or not done that results in us feeling rejected.
Example. My efforts to cheer up my grumpy daughter were rebuffed.
2. Resentment. Rejection feels lousy, so we become resentful about feeling rejected.
Example: I internally made up a story about why my daughter acted unhappy.
3. Resistance. Resentful, we resist relationship with the person we feel resentful toward.
Example: This shows up when I give my daughter the silent treatment.
4. Revenge. Resistance becomes action when it leads to revenge.
Example: Verbal attacks about my daughter’s homework are unkind volleys designed to hurt in the way I felt she hurt me.
5. Repeat. Unresolved, this cycle repeats automatically until a relationship is damaged beyond repair.
Example: My daughter does not engage with me, so I disengage from her, so she distances herself from my barbs, and I keep a wall between us, and so the pattern continues.
Families have a long history together to continually practice until the cycle becomes expected as people unthinkingly play their parts. Think of the aunt perpetually offended by someone in the family. The relative who plays favorites. The sibling who pouts when he doesn’t get his way. This is the foundation for holidays where people gather to emotionally abuse one another and have pie.
PRACTICE MAKES PERMANENT: SOLUTION TO THE 5 R’S
Becoming aware of the active presence of the 5 R’s is the first step in interrupting this destructive pattern so it doesn’t become permanent. When you find yourself in one of the 5 R’s, here are steps to immediately place the relationship on positive footing.
Continued below…
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