Giving the Gift of Honor

Navigating the Changes of Dementia in Parents

By: Christy Miller Bell

I cried the day we got the diagnosis. What started as minor memory loss issues in my mom had developed into full blown Alzheimer’s. My sister and I were stunned, and we didn’t know what to do next. Within a few months, we moved Mom to a new home, took over managing her bills, and began making difficult, life-altering decisions on her behalf.

The process of taking on the role of a parent with my mom has been challenging. We want her to feel like she is still autonomous, yet we must protect her from danger. Juggling these dynamics is a constant struggle.

The question we wrestle with constantly is this: How can we honor our parents as they live with dementia?

A Command to Honor

The fifth commandment, found in Ex. 20:12, says, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (see also Deut. 5:16). This command begins with the word “honor,” which carries with it the idea of weight. To honor someone means clothing them with a mantle of respect and reverence. It also suggests submission to their authority as our elders.

In God’s original design, we were to receive instruction and moral guidance from parents. They were to be revered as teachers of wisdom. Though broken relationships are common today, the command to honor our parents remains. It also extends to grandparents, stepparents, and other parental figures.