Can Grief and Gratitude Co-Exist?

Shifting Focus to God Amid Loss

By: Dyann Shepard

“My brain doesn’t work.”

“What?”

My husband repeated, “My brain doesn’t work.” Within two weeks, he couldn’t drive, work out, or play bridge. He was helpless and filled with fear.

For several years, we had been on the Alzheimer’s journey. Rick was forgetful and occasionally unable to do a simple task. It was challenging, but manageable. The process was like watching a cliff shed rocks in bits and pieces. That morning, there was a seismic shift—a landslide. Rick’s brain was changed forever. I felt helpless. “Lord, I don’t know what to do. Show me the way!” I heard a reply that was not audible, but clear: “I am the Way. Keep your eyes on me. I will show you the way.”

Shifting Focus

Later, I felt overwhelmed again, hearing “No” or “I can’t” as I tried to help Rick. I cried, “Lord, I can’t hear ‘No’ or ‘I can’t’ one more time.” Again, he spoke to me clearly: “Dyann, you’re not listening. Pay attention to the other things he is saying.” When I did, I realized that Rick was saying many other things: “Sweetie, I love you, thank you, I just want to take care of you.” I began writing these tender words in my journal, words I would have missed if I hadn’t changed my focus.